Unidentifiable ...

There is a smell, or rather, a remembrance of a smell, that pops up at the most unexpected times....today, while relaxing under the strong, warm hands of my masseuse..... soft, gentle, nature-inspired music in the background, candles flickering, soothing sounds of a bubbling water feature, muscles relaxed, lavender and eucalyptus oil slicked onto every exposed skin surface....and there it was....subtle, ephemeral, transitory...hazy, like a dream and just as elusive.

It's a smell that has something to do with childhood, perhaps, but I can't pin it down or even conjure it by will.  It eludes and is fleeting....it's source: a mystery.  I've been trying to remember it forever.  I don't think it's the smell of my first doll (I still have it) but something on par and maybe more meaningful.  It might have something to do with my mom....maybe the scent of her skin with my infant nose pressed close...It could have something to do with my grandmother...  Maybe it's the smell of a crib mattress cover or a blanket.....it hits in the back of the palette...almost a taste. I can't assign to it a range: savory to sweet or acrid to bland. There are no accompanying images. I wonder at its rare appearance and what stimulates my brain to trigger it.  It's a memory, far back....a part of me.... with no sound, date, shape, place or name.....a part of me I can't grasp, and like a shadow: unidentifiable.